Sibling Rivalry

My kids getting along.

What family of more than one child has not dealt with sibling rivalry on some level? If you haven't, please email me and tell me how you've done it! :)

At the convention last Saturday, I noticed one of the workshops called "Is Your Homeschool C.H.A.O.S. (Contstantly Heckling Always Over Something)?" and thought, "Wow... this is one I really need to attend." I just knew that Susan Kemmerer was going to be like Special Agent Oso and give us three special steps to cut out the sibling rivalry in our homes.

Nope. Would you like to know what her very first answer was to sibling rivalry?

Look in the mirror.

Yep. It starts with you.  She even gave a great paraphrase of James 1:20.

"The anger of mom does not produce the righteousness of God."

Well now! How often have I gotten angry with my kids over their childish behavior and their lack of self-control? She wasn't saying that we shouldn't get angry with our kids. But she was saying that our anger doesn't produce righteousness in our kids. It doesn't bring about justification. Justification comes by grace alone!

Do I always show my kids grace? No. But the great part about this workshop was that it hit on so many things that the Lord has been teaching me about parenting my children over the last year or so, and what she said really reinforced so many things. I need to teach my kids to show grace toward each other by extending grace to them. I need to teach them to walk in kindness by putting on kindness and practicing kindness. The only way they will learn to be gentle with each other is if I am gentle with them.

She gave so many Scripture references, and I really need to take the time to look them all up and ask the Lord to help me to apply them to me first so that I can then teach the kids to apply them to their own lives. Susan Kemmerer was right; if you want to end sibling rivalry in your home, look in the mirror. It starts with you.

Raising a Critical Thinker

At the HEAV Convention on Saturday, this was the title of the first workshop I attended. It was given by a young lady from GeoMatters. I had expectations when I walked into this workshop; I was going to learn about some products I could use to help encourage critical thinking skills with my two oldest children, maybe they would talk about the differences in the ways boys and girls think (which would be great since I have both boys and girls), and I would be encouraged  to visit their booth in the exhibit hall for some great critical thinking products. And in the back of my head, I was thinking, "GeoMatters. Sounds like it is a geography company. What does that have to do with critical thinking? Well, I'll go anyway because my kids could use some help in this area."

And what I came away with? Practical parenting advice! (Remember, I told you yesterday that the theme for me seemed to be parenting.)

The speaker was excellent! (I wish I had caught her name.) In regards to critical thinking, she encouraged us to: ask open-ended questions; to give the kids jobs to help them learn to plan and to serve (to the best of their ability, not to the best of mom's ability); to stress teamwork; and to be an encourager. I can say that stressing teamwork has been something I have done a lot of but not consistently, and boy, do I need to remember that they are kids and can't do things on my level! (Do you need that reminder, too?)

When they make mistakes, turn it around and ask what could have gone right, what they could have done differently in order to avoid making that mistake. This is a life skill, not just something to apply to Math, English, Geography, etc. And it is a parenting issue. How often have I gotten upset with one of the kids for spilling milk for the millionth time, and always when we are running late? Granted, the Lord had already started working on my heart with this one, but this was the reminder that I needed to hear.

She did bring things back to the classroom, and even used Bloom's Taxonomy, which I had learned about in college but had forgotten about, to help us see how critical thinking develops. And she even listed a few resources for us to look at sometime--more summer reading for mom! But at the end, she brought it all back to this one point:

You can't teach your children everything they need to know, but you can teach them how to think.

As homechooling parents, it is easy to feel like it is our responsibility to teach them absolutely everything. But it isn't. If we teach them how to think, as opposed to what to think, then they will have the skills they need to be life-long learners.

Proverbs 3:5-6 says:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways submit to Him, and he will direct your paths.

Above all else, teach them how to trust in the Lord and how to completely rely on Him. He will show them the plans that He has for them.

(*Disclaimer: I have not been asked by GeoMatters to write a post on their HEAV Convention workshop, nor have I been compensated by them in any way. These are just a sampling of the notes that I took during the workshop combined with my own thoughts on what I learned.)

Convention Time!

I realize that it's not best to skip several days in a row right after you launch your blog site, but I have a great reason for not writing. I went to the HEAV Convention!

For those who may not know, HEAV is THE homeschool site for the state of Virginia. If I have a homeschooling question, that is usually the first place I turn. They also have a great Facebook page; look them up!

This past Thursday-Saturday was the annual HEAV Convention in Richmond. I attended for the first time last year and drove there and back home both Friday and Saturday. This year, a friend and I shared a hotel room within walking distance of the Convention. Neither of us brought children with us, even though that is certainly an option as there are activities for the kids to participate in each day. If you are a Virginia homeschooler and have never attended the HEAV Convention, please consider attending next year. It is so worth it!

Most of the workshops I attended this year dealt with parenting issues even more than homeschooling issues. Honestly, this was exactly what I needed in this season of life. I have been a single mom for a year and have relaxed in some areas but have become a bit more uptight stressed in others. 

My first stop was the FlyLady's workshop on Thursday. I have heard about her and her methods, and I was looking forward to learning more about her methods (which I did...in fact, we had a "home blessing" just yesterday!), but more than that I walked away with practical parenting advice. What the FlyLady stressed (to me, anyway) was allowing the kids to help. As homeschooling parents, part of teaching our children at home includes teaching them to maintain a home. As a single parent, it is vitally important to include children in the maintenance of the home. I learned from the FlyLady that I need to examine myself and let go of perfectionist tendencies even more than I already have; otherwise, the kids won't want to help because they don't do it mom's way. I will admit that I have relaxed on how the towels are folded; as long as they are folded and put away in a pretty decent way, it's good. But I can see that I have areas where I need to relax and let go and will truly work on those things.

Friday, two of the sessions I attended dealt with grace, gentleness, and delighting in our children. I received so much encouragement and refreshment for my mommy-heart in those two hours that it truly felt as though I had been on a vacation at the beach. I will share more about those workshops this week.

Saturday, I attended a workshop about being organized in your homeschool. Organization isn't one of my strong suits; in fact, if you follow me on Pinterest you'll see that I have a huge organization category. Believe it or not, I have actually implemented a couple of the ideas! But one of the main things that I walked away from that workshop with was having margin--or white space--on your calendar. The speaker defined that as the distance between where you are and your personal limit (emotional, physical, financial, time, etc.). She gave us the freedom to say no! How much pressure is there on us as homeschoolers to have our children involved in this activity and that activity and to run to this function and that function, and to join this co-op and use that curriculum, and... whew! Learning to say no and learning to leave white space on the calendar will allow me to let go and to really enjoy this season of homeschooling my children instead of waking up looking forward to bedtime because we are going to be so busy that day.

The highlight of the day on Saturday was, by far, the Single Parents' Luncheon. HEAV is so generous and really cares about their homeschooling community across the state, and that includes the single parent homeschoolers. That luncheon was a time to relax and to enjoy a meal with other single homeschoolers, to realize that we aren't alone in our efforts, and to share what has worked and what hasn't and to offer support to each other. This was my second year to attend the luncheon, and it was nice to see a couple of familiar faces and to meet some new people, too. 

I plan to share more about the convention this week, so keep an eye on this space! I'll share some of my notes and some of what really encouraged me from the different workshops I attended. I hope that it blesses you, too!